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Shifting through emotion

As I sit here and write this, surrounded by vibrant house plants, the first taste of spring sun warming my back, the lingering taste of cacao on my lips. I'm very grateful to be in this space to look back with gratitude on the last few weeks that were.I would have felt immeasurably differently if you'd asked me a few days ago.I was harbouring a certain “F the world” energy. I'd spiralled into a deep dark place, a place where it felt like light(ness) was unattainable. A distant memory.I was s...

What you need to know before your first breathwork session

What do you need to know before attending your first somatic breathwork session?There are a few things to be aware of before entering the space of breathwork. Firstly, and this goes with working with any practitioner. Find a facilitator you resonate with, ideally, someone you feel safe with. It’s been proven that a large percentage of what influences the effectiveness of any therapy is the client's ability to feel safe with the facilitator. You may do this by searching on Google and checking o...

Kicking Asthma

I was reminded recently of a time in my life that, looking back, feels like a bad dream, such a distant memory that it's hard to believe that at one stage it was even a part of my reality. Growing up I spent a lot of time sick, often with chest infections.It became a bit of a running joke in the family that I would be sick for my birthday, it was almost like clockwork.I was frequently on antibiotics and lived in fear that any excessive use of my energy would lead to burnout. I tried everyth...

Living rent free. My experience house sitting.

First off I should say, that this is what I would have done if it weren't illegal to house-sit on a tourist visa, and I'm a law-abiding citizen. If it were legal, my trip may have looked something like this..I was a month or so into my travels abroad after I'd taken the leap of faith and headed from New Zealand across to the UK, my savings were rapidly depleting, and I needed to find a solution to my lack of accommodation. One evening, whilst having a mild freakout trying to work out how on eart...

Gallbladder Cleanse

The infamous Gallbladder Cleanse. I've preached about this for years and threatened to write about it for just as long, but I never quite get around to it. Mostly because afterwards, it’s the last thing I want to relive. But here I am, taking one for the team.So, what's a gallbladder:The gallbladder’s main function is to produce bile which helps you break down fats in the gut. Think of it like trying to clean a greasy plate without soap. The gallbladder creates the “soap” to help break d...

Pushing the envelope - An Adventure

This is the blog I wrote after completing a one-month/4000km camping trip around NZ, over summer/New Years break, almost a year ago.This year I decided to do things a little differently. Whereas normally I would write my new years resolutions out, this time I decided to try my best to embody them. In the lead up to new years, I was at work one day and was chatting to one of the subcontractors about how it would be fun to kit out my car and go travel the South Island, to which he said “mat...

Current thoughts on spirituality

I wrote this piece about 20 months ago, maybe longer. I have slightly edited it for more modern times but wanted to keep the essence. Enjoy.What a topic… I feel like I’m going to have to be cautious with what I choose to focus on in this post as spirituality can be seen/felt/experienced in all aspects of life. I see it more as a way of life I’m learning to navigate than a set of practices.What I’m learning is that there is no road map for life. We all must venture our own way, and if we ...

Navigating Breath

I vividly recall the morning I signed up for the Owaken breathwork facilitator training. I mean, how could I not. It was a bone-chilling night in the Kaimai Ranges, just out of Tauranga. One I hadn’t really been prepared for, so I was cocooned deep within my sleeping bag, tucked up in my rooftop tent, on that frosty Autumn morning. It was the morning of an immersive workshop that we had all camped out the night before in preparation of.I’d decided to start the day with a cold swim in th...

Reconnecting to your inner wisdom

I’ve been pondering how, at many points in history, we had, what seemed to be, genius born every minute. Coming up with and revolutionising theories in all manner of fields completely shifted the way we understood life. Now it seems as if someone has ripped up the handbrake, we have made minor adjustments but nothing like before, no individuals like the Telsa’s, Freud’s, Jung’s or Nietzsche’s of times gone by.I wonder what happened. Has all the chaos in our lives now made it hard to fo...

Two years in therapy

I wrote this late last year, upon the completion of just over two years of weekly psychotherapy sessions. My therapist and I referred to the ending of our time together as a “conscious uncoupling”, a process of reflecting on our journey together, celebrating the wins, acknowledging the growth, and marinating in gratitude for each others roles in the process.I’m feeling in an odd space right now. Not yet ready to return to the world but also very content with where I am at. It feels like if...

Barberyn Resort: Two weeks of Ayurvedic detox

In April 2017 I spent two weeks at Barberyn Beach Ayurveda Resort in Sri Lanka. This video documents my experiences during this time. It includes my understanding of the 5000 year old therapies I received and the thoughts and emotions I had along the way. It also touches on my experience of my Nana passing during this time.“Because we cannot scrub our inner body we need to learn a few skills to help cleanse our tissues, organs, and mind. This is the art of Ayurveda.” – Sebastian ...

A Rude Awakening

As I become more connected to this spiritual aspect of myself, the process of growth seems to increase exponentially. I went from minor insights and changes to times when it felt like everything around me was morphing and falling apart and I had to learn to become okay with it (and am still learning) using the tools I’d developed along the way to try help come to terms with the new challenge. The last few weeks have been no exception. It seems that off the back of a lot of work I’d done on m...

Returning to New Zealand

When I think of moving back to New Zealand it creates a well of emotion. It’s been a long time since I lived there and in many ways, I was a different person then. I left New Zealand unsure of myself and without any understanding of where things may lead. Five years later I return with a lot more tools to deal with situations and a world of new experiences. I’m not entirely sure what New Zealand holds for me, but in many ways, I feel like I no longer belong there. I know that sounds rid...

Being aware of the content I consume

When we speak of consumption it’s normally in reference to the foods we eat, and the liquids we drink, but what I’ve been focusing on lately is the consumption that comes in the form of entertainment/media.“Social media not only snatches your time, but it also teaches you attention deficiency.” – Neeraj AgnihotriWe all know and have for a long time, the powers of social media and entertainment such as films, tv shows, and the news, but I think sometimes we underestimate the impact...

Indecision fatigue

“I don’t know”. I use this phrase countless times a day. It often comes up whenever someone asks what it is I want to do with my life, where I want to live, how I feel, what my plans are. Now that I notice it, it’s becoming hard to ignore, and I’m starting to believe that it’s all a charade, that maybe I do know, and that maybe I’ve known for a while now, but that I’m just avoiding acting, feeling, and living, in order to live a safe life. I can’t even call it easy or stress-fr...

Ups, downs and loneliness

Last weekend I was feeling pretty down. I had just arrived at my friend’s house and was sitting in my car when I had the desire to write, weird I know, but I’ve learned to make the most of inspiration when it strikes. I was in one of those slumps where I just wanted to be left alone, but also not, if that makes sense.I wrote the following:There is a certain irony that I write this outside my friends’ house as I’m about to enter on this sunny Saturday day afternoon, but I guess the mind i...

A brief stint with Stoicism

The Obstacle is the Way, and How to Be StoicA good friend of mine in London first introduced me to Stoicism after gifting me his copy of How to Be a Stoic by Massimo Pigliucci. He had found some profound insights from the perspective he received from Stoicism and thought I may be interested.How to Be a Stoic is written as a series of “conversations” the author has with Epicurus, the ancient Greek philosopher, and covers topics including love, suicide, religion, and living according to nature...

10 things I learned as a tradesmen

I completed my apprenticeship as a Marine Cabinetmaker (interiors for boats) at 21. My dad was a builder, I didn’t know what I wanted to do, and I always paid attention to details so it was the obvious option. I never much wanted to be a tradie, but now I’m grateful that I completed my time. It’s meant I was always able to find work, no matter where I am. In the last 10+ years, even while I was at university, I worked in several different areas of the trade. From interiors for multi-millio...

Compliment anxiety

Them: “I like your trousers”Me: looking like a deer in headlights replies “Oh yeah, I’ve had these for ages” while frantically trying to think of a new subject to talk about.This is how I used to take compliments (and occasionally still do). They can make me so uncomfortable. There was a time when I’d just shut off, freak out, not know what to say, and go red in the face. I think it was because all of a sudden I was the centre of attention and that made me extremely uncomfortable, es...

Quitting coffee (with mushrooms)

I wrote this post in August 2020, but for some reason never posted it. I guess in fear I’d relapse. After a year without coffee, it’s safe to say our relationship is over.A while back I released a video discussing why I stopped drinking coffee, however, I think it missed a few of the crucial components for why this was so important to me.I would have considered coffee to be a part of my identity. I was particular about the stores in which I drank it, the quality of the coffee and the ritual....

Breath in, breath out

I first was introduced to breathwork without even knowing that’s what I was signing up for. I was sitting on the couch one night scrolling Instagram, and a heavily tattooed, fashionably dressed-looking brother caught my eye. He was standing next to a guy I follow from the US, a man by the name of Aubrey Marcus, and he appeared warm and genuine. Quite out of character, I decided to give this guy (Lukis Mac) a follow. Maybe I could learn something from him? A few weeks later I saw a post in...

Watch the vibe of your tribe

They say “you are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.” The statement has rolled around in my mind over the years. I think it was one of the first lessons I came across when I was introduced to this holistic understanding of our lives. It’s especially powerful when you understand that these may not be your closest friends, just those you spend most of your days with i.e. workmates, housemates, family, or clients.In recent years I’ve often felt like those I spend t...

Finding balance around busyness

Before I begin, I just want to make it abundantly clear that I love my Dad and we have an amazing relationship, I do with all my family. And that this post is not a criticism, as I know his work ethic is a product of his own upbringing in which he didn’t have the freedoms his efforts have allowed me.As I sit in my car, welcoming warm light on my chilled face, giving me life after diving into the ocean out here on this sunny winter's day, I’m left reflecting on what in me is actively avoiding...

Dance like no one is watching

Excuse the title, it’s kind of accurate, and I couldn’t resist. One day I will write an equally as questionable one titled “Live, Laugh, Love”.A few weekends back I participated in a workshop called The Initiation with Wild Grace. It was centred around the embodiment of four of masculine archetypes. Don’t know what that means? cool, neither did I. I only attended it because my good friend insisted that I should give it a go, and I had no idea what to expect. As I signed into the f...

Embodied Emotion

This morning I woke up at 4 am my mind already racing with nothing in particular. The familiar tightness in my chest that I’ve had for so long now that it feels normal. The only difference is the severity of the discomfort. The best way to describe this morning was the feeling that I’m trying to breathe while someone is pressing on my chest. The sharp pain allows for shallow breathing at best. I find that when it’s at its worst I need to be especially conscious of the way I breathe as the ...