As I become more connected to this spiritual aspect of myself, the process of growth seems to increase exponentially. I went from minor insights and changes to times when it felt like everything around me was morphing and falling apart and I had to learn to become okay with it (and am still learning) using the tools I’d developed along the way to try help come to terms with the new challenge. The last few weeks have been no exception. It seems that off the back of a lot of work I’d done on myself in recent times and a healing session I did with an amazing teacher/healer friend of mine from back in New Zealand, a lot has suddenly shifted. After that, and I mean almost straight after that, things began to change and fall away, my job, friends, living situation, it all shattered. Sure it wasn’t at all what I was hoping for. There isn’t much joy in watching your world fall apart, but all I can do is try see try to see the connection to the bigger picture.
All journeys have secret destinations of which the traveller is unaware – Martin Buber
“We are all equally capable of spiritual awakening. It may not seem that way, at times. Some of us are so caught up in the drama of our day-to-day existence that we have lost track of who we really are. But eventually, all of us will make the discovery of our true nature.” – Victor Shamas
During this time I have been waking up at random hours of the night and feel called to write ideas and thoughts. This is often out of necessity to help slow my mind as it spins at a million miles an hour. It’s usually a choice between lying in bed with my mind racing with no sign of sleep in the near future, or making the effort to get up and get it out then drifting gently back to sleep. Sometimes I’m not even sure where the things I write come from, my pen seems to have a mind of its own, words just pop into my head and form sentences. Somehow these are often the most profound statements in all of the journaling. It’s as if some deeper part of me is allowed to express itself in these early hours. I don’t always understand what’s being said at the time, but generally, it feels like a weight has been lifted when my pen reaches the page. Journalling has become a key part of my practice for shifting ideas, energy, clearing space, and understanding myself better. In fact, out of all my tools, I would say it’s the one I turn to the most, with the most to gain from each session.
“I want to write. But more than that, I want to bring out all kinds of things that lie buried in my heart.” – Anne Frank
Dreams have become another fascinating resource too. Often actively referring to a present area of my life which I have been working with. Most recently the area of relationships, glimpses of valued friends, or newfound acquaintances which now seem to have opened up and been given new meaning. They may not always be obvious or resemble the person in waking life, but they will have a sort of energy or mannerisms which help identify them. It’s quite fun to play detective and take these abstract representations and see how they reflect my waking life. There are plenty of websites online which can offer a little guidance too.
“Relationships are all there is. Everything in the universe only exists because it is in relationship to everything else. Nothing exists in isolation. We have to stop pretending we are individuals that can go it alone. ” – Margaret J. Wheatley
It all seems a little crazy when I put it into words, but this has been my life for the last few years, and sure, it is not always plain sailing, sometimes the lessons can be overwhelming, but that’s usually comes when I try to ignore the signs or a deep-rooted feeling. It may sound silly, but I choose to believe that there is no obstacle or emotion that I cannot overcome, and the reason the challenge is given to me is that something greater than myself (or maybe even that part of myself I glimpse while writing) believes that I am ready for the challenge. This gives me the courage to know that things will eventually get better if I continue to put in the effort. I would be lying if I didn’t say there are days (often weeks) when I wish I could go back to my less awakened life, without concern for what the purpose of my life was, but at the end of the day, I know it’s all exactly as it needs to be, and that something better is just around the corner. There is a whole other world out there/within myself, that I am opening up to, and I’m sure a few sleepless nights and rude awakenings seem worth it in the end.
“You read and write and sing and experience, thinking that one day these things will build the character you admire to live as. You love and lose and bleed best you can, to the extreme, hoping that one day the world will read you like the poem you want to be.” – Charlotte Eriksson
If this has been something you’ve been experiencing to reach out, let’s guide each other or even just confide in our experiences. It’s a wild world and those of us committed to finding deeper meaning need to stick together.
“Everything is created twice, first in the mind and then in reality.” – Robin Sharma